The expression on my face when I open the emails. Another rejection. Rejection. Something I am familiar with. Despite the mental fortitude that has been built. A fortress of positivity, action and resilience. That rejection feeds the small voice of doubt.
Is anything I am doing worth it? Is what I am doing pointless? They say it's apart of the journey. Sure it is. The great ones faced their failures.
What if I am tired of failing? What if I am tired of trying? What if I am tired of being? I know I am great. Everyone is great.
This rejection hurts. No problem though, I smile through it. I push through it. It's mine. Is the content I am putting out even good? Seems like I am running around in circles. Nothing makes sense.
The parents are doubting the dream. Do something practical they said. Get a job they said. What are you even studying they said. What am I even doing? Is what I am doing worth it?
I just want to be great. I just want to be the best. I want to be my best. Seems like everyone else is succeeding. It just doesn't make sense.
Fortunately/Unfortunately things don't last. I can't even get three likes on Facebook. What the heck. Am I that far removed? Am I even doing anything?
Wait a minute...someone out there is wishing to be in the same spot I'm in. Dreaming, wishing, crying, praying. What if what I'm doing does matter? This is not easy. Never has been, never will be. Just happy that I was able to wake up another day and pursue the dream.
Sigh... one day. I know it. One day it will all be. Hopefully that one day I will help the kid who was in the same position as me. The world does not revolve around me.
Just breathe kid, breathe. Your time is coming. Just keep on dreaming. Keep working. Keep being.